the promised pictures.

So, this is me from before recovery:

And (avert your eyes!) this is me after recovery. (have I mentioned I hate myself?)

I'm so fat. >< And yes, those are mega deep scars on my arms. I'll post progress pics at 130 pounds.

question

why is it so dead on blogger? I feel so alone out here. Maybe you only comment on weekdays?

I need money. (edited)

As soon as I'm thin enough, I'm going to whore myself out on the internet. Because, ladies, there is this huge thing where I'm not allowed to get a job because of something stupid I did at my last job. I'm not eligible for rehire, and thus can't make money on my own.

So I'm gonna be a prostitute. Probably starting late april, open to girls and boys. If you know someone who's interested, send them on over.


GOD I am so depressed right now. T_T


EDIT: I feel better now, got some diet coke. I'm excited for this! It's more reason to lose weight, right? And do some MAJOR crunches. I'm gonna be beautiful AND get money for it. I'm gonna see if I can't get some practice on some horny teenagers while I'm still fat though. I know this guy who's almost like my stalker.

My pay rate will be low at first, a pack for lap dance and such, but two or three packs for anything sexual. Hard cash for going all the way. I'm thinking...fifty bucks? I'll post a picture (it'll burn your eyes!) later and let you guys decide. Then I'll start putting progress pics.


However, most of my money is going towards paying off debt. Only like 15 bucks, but out of twenty? It'll be a while before I get some sexy lingerie.

eh...

I'm fighting a headache and the munchies. You know, I'm almost at the point where I just want to eat whatever the hell I want and not care. But then I'll just gain even more. Damn scale...I hate it.

I might post more later, but I'm damn near exhausted.

hello again

so it feel like I haven't been on for a while. And I miss all your lovely comments, so I'm posting more. :)

STILL 142. I was 143 yesterday, so I guess 142 is good. My god, what has recovery done to me?

Recovery is a very personal choice. I can't tell you to do or not do it. But I did it, and it was the WRONG choice for me.

lucky me

I think I'm getting my period soon. Either that, or these diet pills are having some weird side effects. Anyway, I'm now going to my therapist about once a week. My father yelled at me for this, saying that I should just find a friend if I need a "buddy" to talk to. He doesn't know the half of it. I want to stop purging and cutting and smoking. I need help for that.

Also, I'm not going to eat. period. They can do whatever they want--kick me out, take away my computer, take away my tv and phone--I don't care. I'm not eating. period. I'm sick of hiding it and not seeing the scale move at ALL.

It was so much easier before recovery. Now I'm plateued at my starting weight, which sucks. Support, please? Your comments really do make me feel better.

ugh...

my insides are burning. I might actually vomit without meaning to. All this, probably, because of food. Food is evil. Ew. Okay, thinking about food only makes me more nauseous.

Anyway, sorry about the last few posts. I deleted them. Probably a good thing, anyway. I tried blogging from my phone but it didn't work. I don't know what the hell happened. It was sounding like an angry, drunken post anyway. oh well.

I'm going to lay down and if I don't feel better I'll purge and if that still doesn't work, I'll lay down and feel like I might die tonight.